Dancing at the Pity Party
Author: Tyler Feder.
Year: 2020.
Publisher: Dial Books.
ISBN: 9780525553021.
Grade Level: 8-12. Trailer: What happens when your worst fear comes true and your whole world turns upside down. Dance. Well, cry a LOT and then dance then probably cry some more.
Losing the people who mean the most to us is a worst case scenario, but an inevitable worst case scenario. Even though we can expect that it will happen one day, some vague time that exists in the distant future, we don't often recognize that it can happen at any time for any number of reasons. Like a lot of teens, Tyler felt that her mom dying was the worst case scenario in life, one of her biggest fears. After her mother's cancer diagnosis Tyler must come to terms with the reality of her worst fears. No spoilers here but Tyler's momma doesn't make it, and she learns that living with the grief is a bigger ordeal than she ever feared. Despite the enormous, life-altering nature of losing your mom at 19-years-old, Tyler navigates life with the strength and grace we can all hope to attain. If you've ever lost someone and sometimes don't know what to do with the pain or the love, this book is for you.
Not everyone has a mom, but the people who do have moms all have unique relationships with them. Here are a couple of poems that describe people's relationships with their mommas.
Okay, now that we're crying and missing our moms/other women in our lives....
Created By: I feel like every time I go to write one of these things I'm like "is this the most charming person to exist because I feel like they might be". Could not be more true about Tyler Feder. This graphic memoir is her debut novel, but she followed it up with a body positivity book for kids called Bodies Are Cool (About n.d) Feder is an illustrator and writer who completed the Writing Program at the Second City Training Center in 2013 (About n.d) She reports to now be spending a lot of her time writing and, "staring emo-ly into Lake Michigan" (About n.d).
Analysis: Admittedly this book did make me ugly cry a whole bunch. It is brutally honest and raw in a way that only someone who has been rocked back by the power of grief can be. Even though this is a very personal account of someone's experience with grief there are many applicable lessons and comforts. Namely, I found that Feder's description of the messy process of grief to be accurate and comforting. Most people know about the five stages of grief that some psychologist came up with. What people don't understand is how rapidly a person experiencing grief can transition between those stages, and how cyclical the process can feel. This book would be a great resource for someone who has recently experienced tragedy and is trying to figure out what to do now.
Feder is a very talented illustrator. In the past I have gotten a bit turned around navigating a graphic novel, but this is a straightforward and well laid out comic that is easy to follow along with. The story is incredibly personal but the style of illustration allows the reader to place themselves in the narrative as well. There is a softness and a familiarity to the drawings that makes this book feel cozy despite the devastating content.
Potential Issues: I cannot foresee an issue with this novel but if there was it would be directed to the collection development policy.
In the Library: It would be awesome to start a library support group for people experiencing grief. Not only could patrons stop by when they need it, but it could be advertised to different institutions during tragedies. For instance, if there was a death at a school the kids could be told about the support group.
Reason for Inclusion: Grief is something that will affect all of us at some point and it's important to support those going though it and prepare those who have not yet faced it. I think this book does a little bit of both. Feder writes to de-stigmatize the process of grief, no matter how messy and chaotic it is.
Sources:
About. (n.d). Tyler Feder. https://www.tylerfeder.com/
Dancing at the pity party. (n.d). Goodreads. https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/50010932
Button Poetry. (2017, May 2). Joseph Capehart - For My Mom. Youtube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oXVuO2xjLf8&t=76s
Button Poetry. (2013, April 18). Lily Myers - Shrinking Women. Youtube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zQucWXWXp3k
Write About Now. (2016, October 18). "Happy Mother's Day" @WANPOETRY (upgrade speakers: Baytown's own Ebony Stewart). Youtube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jxR2x3P0TjQ
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